Introduction
What sets highly intelligent people apart is often not just what they do, but what they deliberately avoid. Many of the pursuits that most people chase without question are met with quiet resistance by those with deep insight. For the highly intelligent, peace of mind and authenticity tend to matter more than keeping up with appearances or following the crowd. Psychologists and self-development experts note that these individuals often sidestep certain common traps – not out of snobbery, but out of a sense that those things do not align with their long-term purpose or mental well-being . In the sections below, we explore 11 key things that highly intelligent people tend to avoid, each contrasted with what “average minds” commonly chase. Through philosophical reflections, psychological insights, and practical examples from around the world, we’ll see how eschewing these habits and desires can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life.
1. Popularity
Average people often equate popularity with success – chasing social media likes, wanting to be friends with everyone, or seeking general approval in large circles. Highly intelligent people, by contrast, value depth over breadth in their relationships. They typically prefer a few close, meaningful friendships to being the life of every party. There is even research suggesting that more intelligent individuals are less happy when they socialize too frequently, likely because they’re focused on higher personal goals . In other words, those with exceptional minds don’t feel the need to be universally liked; they are content with authentic connections. As Brookings Institution researcher Carol Graham explains, smarter people often spend less time socializing because they are absorbed in long-term objectives that matter more to them .
This isn’t to say intelligent people are antisocial – far from it. They simply don’t base their self-worth on popularity or fitting in with large groups. For example, consider a student in high school who opts to spend time with one or two close friends working on a science project, rather than trying to sit at the most popular lunch table. Globally, we see this pattern in various cultures: a dedicated young artist in France might skip trendy parties to hone her craft, or a scientist in India might prefer evenings in the lab over expanding his social circle. In the long run, these individuals often achieve personal satisfaction and respect without needing to chase broad popularity. Their friendships are built on trust and shared values, not on the fickle acceptance of the crowd. By quietly avoiding the popularity contest, intelligent people conserve their energy for relationships and pursuits that truly enrich their lives.
2. Being Right in Every Conversation
Many people feel compelled to prove themselves right during arguments or discussions. An average person might chase the satisfaction of winning every debate or having the last word in a conversation. However, highly intelligent people tend to avoid turning every disagreement into a battleground. They understand that constantly insisting on being right is often pointless and even counterproductive. Psychology experts note that people with lower emotional intelligence will “argue a point to death” and refuse to listen to others, needing to win at all costs . Truly smart individuals recognize this as a trap – it fuels conflict and bruises relationships. They would rather preserve harmony or learn something new than score a rhetorical victory over someone.
Choosing not to always correct others or push one’s point can require humility and empathy. For instance, imagine a workplace meeting where a colleague states something slightly incorrect. An average mind might publicly correct them to showcase their own knowledge. A highly intelligent person might instead weigh the value of speaking up. If the mistake is minor, they may let it go, prioritizing collegiality over ego. They understand the wisdom of the adage, “Choose your battles.” In fact, there’s an old saying: “If you have to choose between being kind and being right, choose being kind.” This reflects the intelligent perspective well. Around the world, wise leaders and elders often exhibit patience in conversation. In a family discussion in Kenya or a group dialogue in Japan, the most insightful person in the room might be the one who listens calmly and speaks last, rather than dominating the debate. By quietly avoiding the need to be right every time, intelligent people open themselves to learning from others and maintaining peace of mind. They know that an argument won at the cost of a relationship is not a true win at all.
3. Fast Success
The modern world is often enamored with the idea of the quick win – the startup that explodes overnight, the “one weird trick” to get fit instantly, or the viral fame that seems to happen in a blink. Average minds can be tempted by this mirage of fast success and instant gratification. Highly intelligent people are much more skeptical of anything that seems too easy or too fast. They quietly avoid chasing overnight success because they see it for what it often is: a fleeting or unreliable achievement. As one entrepreneurship expert put it, we live in an “overhyped culture” that promises fast and easy results, but aiming for instant gratification usually “will set you up for failure.” In place of that, smart individuals play the long game – they favor slow, steady progress and mastery over time.
Rather than trying to “get rich quick” or achieve a goal with minimum effort, highly intelligent people invest in patience and persistence. Psychologically, this attitude aligns with the idea of delayed gratification – the ability to forgo an immediate reward for a bigger payoff later. A classic example is the story of the Chinese bamboo tree: for several years after planting the seed, nothing seems to happen, no sprout is visible. But with care and watering, in the fifth year the bamboo suddenly grows dozens of feet in a few weeks. Was the growth really “overnight,” or was it the result of the unseen root foundation built over years? The intelligent mind understands that real success, like that bamboo, requires strong foundations and time. We see parallels in real life stories globally. A company like Amazon took years of quiet expansion and even losses before it became a giant – it wasn’t an instant success, but a gradual one. In contrast, many who chased dot-com bubble fortunes in the late 1990s for quick wins ended up with nothing when the bubble burst.
By avoiding the obsession with fast success, intelligent people also protect themselves from burnout and disillusionment. They aren’t seduced by the latest get-rich-quick scheme or fad diet promising miraculous results. Instead, they focus on incremental improvement: the student who studies a bit each day rather than cramming the night before, or the athlete who trains steadily for years for the Olympics rather than looking for a shortcut. This long-term approach may not provide the dopamine rush of an “overnight” triumph, but it tends to lead to achievements that are more meaningful and sustainable. In short, highly intelligent people know that, as the proverb says, “slow and steady wins the race.” They find pride in the quiet grind and view any sudden windfalls with a healthy dose of caution.
4. Constant Approval
Craving validation from others is a common human tendency. Many people spend a lot of energy seeking constant approval – whether it’s trying to impress family and friends, fishing for praise at work, or anxiously monitoring how many likes their social media posts get. Average minds might chase this approval as a source of self-esteem. Highly intelligent people come to realize that needing continual affirmation from others can be a dangerous trap. If you hinge your self-worth on external approval, you effectively hand over control of your happiness to everyone around you. Moreover, the need to be liked all the time can make one easily manipulated by those who would use flattery or peer pressure for their own ends. Intelligent individuals prefer to be guided by their own internal principles and standards, rather than the shifting opinions of others. They understand a key insight: the more you need others’ approval, the more you become their prisoner.
Psychologically, the habit of approval-seeking is linked to anxiety and indecisiveness. It might lead you to avoid risks or opportunities for fear of disapproval. In fact, psychotherapist Ilene S. Cohen points out that “Needing approval may lead you to reject potential opportunities because you’re too anxious and believe your performance has to be perfect.” In other words, living for others’ applause can paralyze your ability to grow. Highly intelligent people strive to validate themselves from within. They set their own goals and evaluate themselves against those, not against every piece of feedback from the outside. For example, consider a scenario of choosing a career. An average person might pick a job or college major mainly to please their parents or impress society, even if it’s not truly what they want. An intelligent person will respectfully consider advice, but ultimately choose the path that resonates with their own interests and values – even if it disappoints some people initially. We can find culturally diverse examples of this: a young woman in a traditional community might decide to start her own business or pursue art, politely ignoring the raised eyebrows of relatives who expected a more conventional path. Later, when she finds success on her own terms, those same people may come around to approving – but by then, she has learned not to need their approval in the first place.
By quietly avoiding the chase for constant approval, intelligent individuals gain a form of freedom. They can withstand criticism and stand up for what they believe is right. They are also less likely to be people-pleasers who get taken advantage of. It doesn’t mean they become arrogant or never listen to others; rather, they balance others’ input with their inner compass. They might still enjoy praise – who doesn’t? – but they don’t depend on it. One real-life illustration is the case of innovators or leaders who made unpopular decisions that later proved wise. Think of Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis, who in the 19th century insisted doctors wash their hands (an idea that was initially mocked by his peers). He faced disapproval, yet he trusted his evidence and saved lives. Today he’s vindicated as a pioneer. Highly intelligent people often have the courage to do what’s right or necessary even if it initially lacks approval. Over time, they find that genuine respect follows those who respect themselves.
5. Drama and Gossip
Idle gossip and melodrama can be oddly enticing to many people. Tabloids and reality TV thrive on the fact that average minds often chase drama as entertainment and engage in gossip as a social pastime. Whether it’s workplace rumors, social media feuds, or community scandals, many get caught up in these cycles of talking about others and stirring up conflict. Highly intelligent people tend to quietly step away from such trivial drama. They see how quickly gossip can turn toxic – it breeds negativity, mistrust, and distraction from more meaningful matters. An old adage often attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt captures this perspective: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” In other words, obsessing over gossip about people’s personal lives is viewed as a small-minded pursuit, one that intelligent individuals consciously avoid.
Why do smart people shun gossip and drama? For one, they recognize it as a waste of emotional energy. Getting involved in drama often means letting someone else’s chaos become your own. It can be exhausting and unproductive. A highly intelligent person would rather invest that energy in learning something new, solving a problem, or having a stimulating conversation, not in fretting over who said what about whom. Additionally, gossip can be outright dangerous to relationships. The person gossiping today may be gossiping about you tomorrow, as the saying goes. Intelligent people value trust and loyalty, and they know gossip undermines both. For example, consider a common scenario: a few colleagues at lunch start bad-mouthing a coworker who isn’t present. The average person might join in to bond with the group or out of FOMO (fear of missing out) on the social buzz. The intelligent person might diplomatically steer the conversation to a different topic or simply not participate. They don’t want to build camaraderie at the expense of someone else’s reputation. Over time, colleagues notice that the intelligent individual isn’t part of the rumor mill, and this discretion earns them greater respect and confidence.
We can see such behavior across cultures. In many communities, elders or wise individuals are the ones who remain calm amid social squabbles. For instance, in a small town anywhere – be it Ireland or India – when neighbors quarrel or gossip runs rampant, the wisest person in the village is often the one who listens to all sides but doesn’t fan the flames, focusing instead on helping resolve issues if possible. By avoiding petty drama, highly intelligent people also protect their own peace. They prefer conversations that are uplifting or intellectually engaging rather than those that tear others down. In practical terms, this means they’re likely to excuse themselves from a gossipy chat, refrain from posting snarky comments online, and generally keep their personal and professional interactions drama-free. This quiet stance doesn’t always make them the center of attention (since stirring drama can attract eyes, at least temporarily), but it does earn them something more lasting: a reputation for integrity and level-headedness. And that is far more valuable than any momentary thrill from gossip.
6. Shallow Achievement
Another thing highly intelligent people avoid is chasing shallow achievements – those shiny-but-superficial markers of success that many others covet. By “shallow achievement,” we mean accomplishments that are more about appearance than substance: the fancy job title taken just for prestige, the award or trophy collected just to show off, the accumulation of material status symbols (luxury cars, designer goods) primarily to impress others. Average minds might chase these things as ends in themselves, believing they confer worth or happiness. But deeply intelligent people tend to see through the façade. They are not impressed by success for show; they care about success with meaning. As a YourTango essayist observed, they can tell the difference between “success that’s for show and success that reflects real growth or contribution.” In psychology, this aligns with the difference between extrinsic and intrinsic goals. Extrinsic goals – like wealth, fame, image – are often correlated with lower well-being, whereas intrinsic goals – like personal growth, relationships, and contribution – lead to higher fulfillment . Highly intelligent individuals intuitively grasp this, so they avoid getting caught up in accolades just for the sake of it.
One poignant illustration comes from the world of entertainment and wealth. We often hear stories of celebrities or millionaires who “had it all” on the outside but felt empty or unhappy inside. Comedian Jim Carrey, who himself achieved great wealth and fame, famously said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.” . That quote encapsulates why intelligent people don’t blindly pursue money or fame: they know those rewards, while not inherently bad, do not guarantee joy or meaning. Instead, intelligent people chase what fulfills them. They might still earn money and recognition, but those are by-products rather than the ultimate goal. For example, an intelligent doctor might prioritize actually healing patients and advancing medical knowledge over, say, being head of a department just for the title. A brilliant software engineer might turn down a higher-paying management role (which would look like a promotion) because they find more satisfaction in coding and creating new products. On a global scale, consider someone like Dr. Wangari Maathai of Kenya. She was the first African woman to win the Nobel Peace Prize, but her journey began with the simple, impactful act of planting trees and empowering rural women – not with chasing titles. In fact, earlier on, some in her society saw her activism as troublesome, not award-worthy. She focused on meaningful work rather than accolades, and eventually the world recognized her for it.
Highly intelligent people often define achievement in their own terms. Rather than a shallow checklist (make X amount of money by 30, buy a sports car, get an Ivy League degree just for bragging rights), their goals tend to be deeper: create something valuable, learn continuously, help others, master a skill. Interestingly, when one pursues these deeper aims, traditional successes often follow anyway – but the difference is that the intelligent person would still value their work even if the trophies and applause weren’t there. They derive their sense of accomplishment internally. By avoiding shallow achievements, they also avoid the letdown that comes after one obtains a symbol of success and realizes it hasn’t fundamentally changed their happiness. In summary, smart people seek substance over show. They would rather have the quiet pride of doing something worthwhile (even if few notice) than the loud praise for something that, in their own eyes, lacks real value.
7. Always Being Busy
In today’s hustle culture, many people wear busyness as a badge of honor. It’s common to hear people boast, “I’m so busy!” – implying that they are important or productive. Average minds often chase a packed schedule, thinking that being busy is the same as being successful. Highly intelligent people make a crucial distinction: activity does not always equal achievement. In fact, constant busyness can sometimes indicate the opposite – a lack of clear priorities or an inability to manage time. Intelligent individuals avoid glorifying busyness and do not fill their days with needless obligations just to feel or look productive. They recognize what research has highlighted: in modern society, busyness has strangely become a status symbol, to the point that people assume someone who is perpetually busy must have higher status or value . But the truly smart resist this herd mentality. They would rather have quality time – for deep work, creative thinking, or simply rest – than just quantity of tasks on their plate.
One can think of it this way: highly intelligent people manage their lives more like an artist than an assembly line. An assembly line mindset says every minute must be filled with some task; any idleness is waste. The artist mindset, however, knows that reflection, taking breaks, and leaving white space in the calendar can lead to better outcomes. For instance, famed inventor Nikola Tesla was known to spend long hours in thought experiments, essentially daydreaming solutions to problems. To an outsider, he might not have looked “busy” during those moments, but his focused imagination was yielding great results. Likewise, many top thinkers and leaders – from Albert Einstein to Microsoft’s Bill Gates – have talked about the importance of carving out quiet time to think. Gates famously took “think weeks” away from daily work to simply read and reflect on big ideas. This is something an average hyper-busy manager might never do, but an intelligent strategist understands its value.
From a practical standpoint, intelligent people prioritize. They identify what truly matters and give themselves permission to not be busy with the rest. They also know the dangers of burnout. While others might chase the image of the tireless worker (in some countries, for example, Japan’s intense work culture led to a phenomenon of death by overwork called karoshi), smart individuals quietly set boundaries. They will say “no” to commitments that are unnecessary. They will ensure they get enough rest and recovery, understanding that a fresh and creative mind ultimately accomplishes more. In one study, when participants were shown profiles of a person who is very busy versus one who has more leisure time, Americans tended to assign higher status to the busy person . An average mind might therefore try to appear busy to gain respect. But an intelligent person might look at, say, certain European cultures where leisure and balance are prized (like the long vacations in France or the emphasis on work-life balance in Denmark) and realize that a balanced life is healthier and often more innovative.
By avoiding constant busyness, highly intelligent people give themselves space for critical thinking and creativity. A cluttered calendar can lead to tunnel vision – you’re so caught up in the next appointment or task that you never step back to see the big picture. The intelligent person steps back regularly. They also cherish stillness. This might mean they meditate, go for solitary walks, or simply allow some evenings where nothing is scheduled. Such unscheduled time is when ideas incubate and real strategic insights emerge. In essence, the highly intelligent don’t conflate motion with progress. They know how to work hard, but they also know how to pause. And that balance not only makes them more effective in the long run, but it also grants them a saner, more peaceful day-to-day life than those frantically chasing their tails in the cult of busyness.
8. Competing with Everyone
Life is often framed as a competition – for grades, jobs, promotions, even for attention. Many people end up in a perpetual state of comparing themselves to others and trying to “one-up” everyone around them. Average minds might chase this kind of universal competition, measuring their self-worth against the next person’s achievements. Highly intelligent people understand the futility of constantly competing with others. They avoid viewing life as a zero-sum contest with everyone they meet. Instead, they tend to compete with themselves, aiming to be better than they were yesterday, not necessarily better than someone else today. It’s been wisely noted that “comparison is the thief of joy,” a quote often attributed to Theodore Roosevelt . Intelligent individuals take this to heart. They see that relentless comparison leads to envy, insecurity, or pride – none of which are healthy or sustainable motivators.
To be clear, it’s not that intelligent people lack ambition or don’t strive for excellence. They do – but the excellence they seek is usually personal excellence. They admire others and can be inspired by them, but they don’t let another’s success diminish their own or dictate their feelings of success. Consider a real-world example: in the Tokyo 2020 Olympics (held in 2021), two high jump athletes – Mutaz Essa Barshim of Qatar and Gianmarco Tamberi of Italy – ended up tied at the final height. Rather than enter a jump-off to decide a sole winner, they agreed to share the gold medal. In that moment, they showed that sportsmanship and mutual respect mattered more than defeating each other at all costs. The crowd gave them a standing ovation. This story illustrates a mindset that not everything must be a fight to the death for first place. Many highly intelligent or wise people have a similar outlook in daily life. They derive happiness from others’ successes too, and they focus on collaboration over rivalry when possible.
Another angle to this is how intelligent people view self-improvement. They often treat life as a continuous learning journey. If you’re focused on learning and growing, the competition is within yourself – are you more knowledgeable or capable than last year? – rather than an external rival. In workplaces, for example, an average employee might secretly hope colleagues underperform so they look better, whereas an intelligent employee realizes that if the team succeeds as a whole, everyone benefits. They might share knowledge with coworkers freely without fear that “someone will outshine me,” because they are confident in their own path of growth. Globally, we can see cultures or philosophies that emphasize self-mastery over conquest of others. Martial arts disciplines, for instance, teach that the real opponent is oneself – mastering one’s own mind and reactions is the highest form of victory. A student of kung fu or karate learns to remain calm and not be provoked into meaningless fights; strength is shown in restraint and personal discipline, not in picking every fight to prove you’re the alpha.
By avoiding the chase of competing with everyone, intelligent people often end up happier and more secure. They can celebrate others’ achievements genuinely and learn from them. They sidestep the stress that comes from constant comparison. An added benefit is that they tend to foster better relationships – people sense they are not being judged as rivals all the time. This creates an environment of trust, where cooperation can flourish. And indeed, in many endeavors, cooperation leads to superior outcomes than isolated competition. The intelligent person knows when it’s time to compete (for example, in a healthy way against a business rival or in a tournament where competition has its place) but even then, they keep it in perspective. Win or lose, they focus on what was learned and how to improve. In their minds, personal progress is the ultimate prize, far more important than any temporary edge over someone else.
9. Following Trends
Trends come and go – whether in fashion, technology, social media challenges, or popular opinions. There is often a herd mentality where average people will chase what’s trending simply because everyone else is doing it, or out of fear of missing out. Highly intelligent people are much less likely to jump on every bandwagon. They quietly avoid following trends for the sake of fitting in, choosing instead to follow their own genuine interests and values. This is fundamentally about authenticity. Intelligent individuals typically have a strong sense of self; they know what they like, what they believe, and they aren’t easily swayed by the mere fact that “something is popular right now.” As the YourTango list noted, they won’t blindly follow trends “especially if it costs them authenticity.” To them, doing something just because it’s cool in the moment, without it aligning to who they are, feels shallow. They’d rather be true to themselves – even if that means being in the minority or even being seen as a bit odd.
Breaking from the pack can require courage, and highly intelligent people often possess a principled streak that helps them do so. History and current events give us plenty of examples. Think of someone like Malala Yousafzai, the young Pakistani activist. The trend, or rather the prevailing norm, in her region was that girls shouldn’t go to school. Many people accepted that without question. Malala, guided by clarity and courage beyond her years, defied that societal pressure – standing up for education despite great personal risk. Her case is extreme and heroic, but it illustrates a broader point: sometimes the majority can be wrong, and it takes independent thinking to recognize it. On a less life-threatening level, consider consumer trends. When a new gadget or style becomes all the rage, a lot of folks rush to buy it. An intelligent person will pause and ask, “Do I actually need or even like this, or am I just feeling pressure because it’s trendy?” They’re the ones who might happily use a five-year-old phone if it still works for them, even as others line up overnight for the latest model. They won’t adopt a fashion that doesn’t suit them just because it’s on the runway this season. This discernment applies to ideas too. If there’s a sudden popular opinion or meme, they won’t automatically echo it – they’ll investigate and form their own opinion.
Interestingly, by avoiding trend-chasing, highly intelligent people often end up ahead of the curve in some ways. Because they think independently, they sometimes spot genuine innovations or truths before they become mainstream. After all, trendsetters (the ones who create trends) are typically the independent thinkers, not the followers. For example, great inventors and artists – from Leonardo da Vinci to Steve Jobs – didn’t achieve greatness by copying what everyone else was doing. They had their own vision, which initially might have gone against the grain. The average contemporaries of these figures might have thought them strange or impractical, but eventually the world caught up to their ideas. Not every independent thinker becomes a famous innovator, of course, but on a personal scale, intelligent people find more satisfaction in pursuing what genuinely interests them rather than what’s merely popular.
From a practical standpoint, the avoidance of trend-chasing means intelligent individuals save themselves from many pitfalls. They are less likely to be swayed by mass hysteria or bubbles. For instance, in investment, when there’s a mania (be it tulip bulbs in 17th-century Holland or cryptocurrency in recent times), an average investor might pour in because “everyone is doing it,” often right before a crash. A level-headed, intelligent investor like Warren Buffett exemplifies the opposite approach: he famously said, “Be fearful when others are greedy, and be greedy when others are fearful,” emphasizing independent judgment over herd behavior. Likewise, in everyday life, intelligent people avoid things like viral but dangerous social media challenges (we’ve seen trends of people doing absurd stunts for clicks – the wise person knows risking one’s health or dignity for a trend is not smart).
Ultimately, highly intelligent people choose authenticity over approval. They’re not contrarian for the sake of being contrary; if a trend truly appeals or makes sense to them, they might adopt it. But the key is, it’s by choice, not by compulsion. This quiet refusal to follow the crowd keeps them grounded in their values. In a world where so much pressure exists to conform, their willingness to be a bit different is a hallmark of both their intelligence and their integrity.
10. Small Talk
“Hi, how are you? – Good, you? – Nice weather today.” Such everyday small talk is harmless, but many people rely on it heavily in social settings, staying in the safe shallows of conversation. While average minds might be perfectly content with chit-chat about sports scores or celebrity gossip, highly intelligent people often find excessive small talk draining. They quietly avoid prolonging superficial conversation because they crave something more stimulating and meaningful. It’s not that they can’t do small talk – many intelligent folks are polite and socially adept, and they’ll engage in brief pleasantries. However, they typically won’t linger there. They feel most alive in deeper discussions – about ideas, passions, hopes, challenges, philosophy, or genuine feelings. For them, small talk can feel like mental clutter or “empty calories” when they are hungry for real substance .
Interestingly, science backs up the idea that more profound conversations are linked to greater happiness. A study in the journal Psychological Science found that the happiest individuals spent much more time in substantive conversations and much less time in small talk compared to the unhappiest individuals . As the researchers put it, “the happy life is social and conversationally deep rather than solitary and superficial.” . Highly intelligent people, who often also have a bent toward introspection, seem to understand this intuitively. They seek connection through depth. For example, imagine an intelligent person at a party. They might start with the usual “Where do you work? Where are you from?” questions, but pretty soon, you’ll find them steering the dialogue toward something more engaging – maybe asking “What do you love about what you do?” or “What’s your take on this important news issue?” or finding a common interest to explore excitedly. Meanwhile, they’ll be less enthusiastic to gossip about a local reality TV show or to endlessly discuss the weather. It’s not about being snobbish; it’s about what genuinely engages their mind and heart.
Culturally, attitudes toward small talk can vary, but intelligent people the world over often share this trait of seeking meaningful exchange. In some cultures, small talk is a necessary preamble to trust – for instance, in parts of the Middle East or Latin America, you wouldn’t dive straight into a heavy topic without first some courteous chit-chat. Smart individuals respect those social norms, but they will still feel unsatisfied if the conversation never progresses beyond that surface. I recall a global example: an American traveler meets a Finnish local. Stereotypically, Finns (and many Northern Europeans) are known for disliking small talk – they often prefer silence to meaningless chatter. The American initially finds the silence awkward. But once they broach a deep topic – say, the meaning of happiness or experiences in nature – the Finnish friend opens up with thoughtful insights for hours. The American realizes that skipping small talk led to a far more enriching friendship. Whether or not the stereotype holds true universally, it underscores that many people, especially reflective and intelligent ones, bond over vulnerability and ideas rather than over sports scores and shopping talk alone.
Highly intelligent people often use small talk as a bridge, not a destination. They might talk about the weather briefly, but perhaps only as a segue into a conversation about climate change or a recent trip that gave them perspective on the environment. If they meet someone new, they are listening for threads in the small talk that could unravel a bigger story – maybe the person mentions they’re from a village, which leads to curiosity about how that upbringing shaped them. In essence, intelligent individuals try to elevate the conversation. And if they find no opportunity (perhaps the other party is not interested in anything beyond small talk), they may politely withdraw rather than force themselves to continue shallow chatter. They’d rather spend time alone than engage in endless banter that offers no real connection or learning.
This preference also ties to introversion, which is common among highly intellectual personalities (though extroverts can be deep thinkers too). Introverts famously find small talk taxing because it lacks the purpose their minds seek. An intelligent introvert might dread networking events full of brief superficial exchanges, while thriving in one-on-one conversations about significant topics. The bottom line is, by minimizing small talk, highly intelligent people conserve their social energy for meaningful interactions. Those interactions, in turn, often lead to stronger bonds and new insights – outcomes far more satisfying than the temporary filler of small talk.
11. Perfection
Perfection – the flawless outcome, the impeccable performance, the ideal life with no mistakes – is something many people chase relentlessly. On the surface, striving for perfection might seem laudable, but it often comes at a steep cost. Average minds may chase perfection believing that anything less has no value, but highly intelligent people tend to avoid this all-or-nothing mindset. They understand that perfectionism is a double-edged sword that can cut deep into one’s well-being and progress. In fact, experts warn that perfectionism is not only an unattainable goal, it’s also linked to depression and anxiety . Chasing after perfection often leads to procrastination (because the perfectionist fears doing something imperfectly, they may stall and avoid doing it at all), a fear of failure so intense it stifles any risk-taking, and extreme self-criticism for even minor flaws . Highly intelligent individuals see that the pursuit of perfection can become the enemy of progress. They prefer to take action, make mistakes, and learn, rather than polish something endlessly or wait for the “perfect” moment that never arrives.
A useful motto that encapsulates this is: “Done is better than perfect.” This saying is popular in tech and entrepreneurial circles (Facebook’s culture under Mark Zuckerberg often stressed “done is better than perfect” to encourage innovation). It essentially means that producing an outcome, even if imperfect, beats endless tinkering with nothing to show. Highly intelligent people adopt this practical view. They would rather publish the book with a few typos than never publish at all because they kept rewriting it. They would rather launch a project and improve it with feedback than hold it back until they think it’s beyond critique. This mindset is not about accepting low quality; it’s about recognizing that perfection is an illusion. There’s always some improvement possible, but at some point, one must decide something is good enough and let it be. Intelligent folks set high standards, but they also set realistic end points.
Many cultures offer wisdom about imperfection. In Japan, there is the concept of wabi-sabi, which finds beauty in the imperfect and transient. A famous example is the art of kintsugi, where broken pottery is repaired with gold lacquer. The repaired cracks, far from being hidden, are highlighted – symbolizing that flaws and repairs are part of an object’s history, making it more unique and beautiful, not ruined. A highly intelligent person appreciates such metaphors. They know that a life well-lived is not one without cracks, but one where the cracks have been mended in a way that adds character. Aiming for a flawless existence would mean never taking the risks that could lead to cracks – and hence never growing. Another example: in the realm of software development, many successful products are released in “beta” versions. The developers know the software isn’t perfect, but by releasing it to users, they gain valuable information and can quickly iterate improvements. Had they waited for unattainable perfection, the product might never see the light of day. Similarly, a student might obsess over getting a perfect score on an exam and end up so anxious that they perform worse, whereas a smarter approach is to study diligently but calmly, accepting that a very good score is still a great achievement even if it’s not 100%.
Highly intelligent people also tend to prefer authenticity over perfection. They would rather be real, with all their human quirks and faults, than project a false image of perfection. They understand that perfectionism in personal life can strain relationships – for example, constantly expecting a partner or children to be perfect can create distance and unhappiness. By avoiding the chase of perfection, they allow themselves and those around them the grace of being human. In turn, this often creates a healthier environment for success: when people aren’t terrified of making mistakes, they often perform better and actually achieve more. It’s telling that many pioneers and geniuses were notable risk-takers who “failed” numerous times on the way to their breakthroughs. Thomas Edison famously said about inventing the lightbulb, “I haven’t failed — I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” That is the voice of someone not paralyzed by perfectionism, but motivated by persistence and learning.
In sum, avoiding perfection doesn’t mean settling for mediocrity – it means striving for excellence in a balanced way, and recognizing when something is excellent enough. Highly intelligent people aim high, but they also know when to say “it’s done.” They focus on growth over flawless outcomes. As a result, they move forward while others may remain stuck polishing the unpolishable. They have learned that it’s better to be proudly imperfect and constantly improving, than to be a perfectionist with nothing to show.
Takeaway
In a world full of pressures and noise, highly intelligent people chart a path that often runs quietly counter to the mainstream. They avoid the hollow pursuits that many chase on autopilot – the empty validation of popularity, the ego rush of always being right, the mirage of overnight success, or the crippling grip of perfectionism. In place of these, they seek substance: genuine relationships instead of large followings, understanding instead of victory in argument, long-term growth instead of quick wins, self-acceptance instead of constant approval. We’ve seen through global examples and expert insights that this mindset brings a kind of peace and clarity that average approaches lack. As one article aptly put it, their peace of mind is more valuable to them than the “empty rewards” others obsess over .
Blending a philosophical appreciation for what matters, a psychological savvy about human nature, and practical good sense, highly intelligent individuals choose differently – and often wisely. They are the colleague who sidesteps office drama to focus on meaningful work, the friend who listens more than they lecture, the creator who favors authenticity over accolades. Their lives might not always appear flashy on the surface, but they tend to be rich in purpose and understanding. By quietly avoiding what average minds chase, they conserve their energy for pursuits that truly enrich the mind and soul. And in doing so, they often end up achieving a more profound success – one measured not just by external metrics, but by inner fulfillment and positive impact on those around them.
The takeaway for all of us is not that one must be a genius to live this way, but that adopting some of these intelligent habits can improve anyone’s quality of life. We can all question the default goals society hands us and decide if they genuinely resonate. We can prioritize our mental well-being and integrity over fitting in or showing off. We can embrace growth and learning over any illusion of perfection. In essence, by learning from what highly intelligent people avoid, we discover what is truly worth chasing: not approval, status, or drama, but rather knowledge, connection, creativity, and authenticity. These are the quiet choices that build a life of meaning – a life that might not always sparkle in the eyes of others, but shines deeply from within.
Sources:
- Graham, C. – Brookings Institution research on intelligence and socialization
- Cherry, K. – Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence (Verywell Mind)
- Forleo, M. – The Myth of Overnight Success
- Cohen, I.S. – Needing Approval and Anxiety (Psychology Today via GE Editing)
- Roosevelt, E. (attrib.) – Great minds discuss ideas…
- Carrey, J. – On wealth and fame not being the answer
- Pinsker, J. – “Busyness” as a Status Symbol (The Atlantic)
- YourTango – 11 Things Highly Intelligent People Avoid (S. Bradshaw)
- Mehl, M. et al. – Study on small talk vs. deep talk
- Brown, L. – Let Go of Perfection (Global English Editing)